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What: August 20th, 2014 - 3rd Wednesday Trail
We didn't find Blinky.
It wasn't for lack of trying, we made multiple valiant attempts. We also managed to cover all 3.7 miles of that 2-2.5 mile trail without losing anything more valuable than a set of car keys. And maybe some blood. And brain cells. Yeah... but I'll get to that in a minute!
So no shit there we were!, nestled comfortably in the back corner of Hollemans Crossing Boat Ramp, a lakeside gravel paradise for water enthusiasts and hashers alike. The ramp sits halfway down on the north side of what is basically a large erect penis of land jutting out into Harris Lake. On this erect penis grows a thick tangled mass of temperate forest and clear cut biomass you'd want a machete and a native guide for. Also, about two-thirds of the way down the dick, around where the Rabbi would cut if he sneezed, sits the Chatham County line. Luckily for us, the boat ramp offered not only tons of open space (the most on the whole dick), but a great view of the lake and of the massive cooling tower at Sharon Harris.
Arrivals to our happy corner were slow but steady. Everyone hopped out of their cars and went straight to prepping for shiggy. Beers and snacks were passed around and we gave it a few extra minutes to let stragglers trickle in. Dicktaphone showed up with Finger, who was lured out at the prospect of shiggy. How Much Did The Holoco$t appeared with Face Down and friends, and apparently it's $20. A contingent of SoPi boisterously appeared in their true fashion, and even brought Virgin June dressed in appropriate virgin attire. Circle was called and hares were shamed and sent off, and the pack grabbed Last Beer.
Soon we were On and around the corner, and immediately true trailed into the shit. Hashers carefully picked their way in single file (to hide our numbers) through an overgrown bramble-filled swamp and emerged out the other side to a Check. But for some reason this Check gave us trouble, and the pack spent a considerable amount of time yelling at Bristles for not being able to figure it out. After diligently running up true trail twice, and both Falses three different times, the pack finally decided carry on to a Song Check and we serenaded the woodland critters with our love.
Post song we crossed the dirt road and descended into what can only be described as an ever thickening forest on crack and steroids. Or Crackoids, that sounds better. What started out as trail through standard forest took a turn and plunged the pack into a solid block of 15' pine trees that again required single file. The lather of sweat and humidity covering our bodies only helped grab every bug and web as we forcibly pushed through the young pines. Next, the mass of pine trees turned into a dense viney undergrowth and the pack made friends with ALL the local briers, of which there were many. With fresh new scratches and out of breath, we pressed on down to the lake shore and finally found our first delicious beers. Some hashers hippo'd in the lake while others found a nearby tree and tried to sit on it. At some point Virgin June let Snail Trail hold her phone, which was a great decision for many. Unfortunately, night was beginning to fall and we still had ground to cover so we sent the hares on and finished our beverages.
What's this?! A Duck/Turkey?!! Sure enough, from the break trail split up; Ducks had the option to swim the cove and Turkeys could take the high road. It was about an even split, with half the pack choosing to get wet, and the other choosing to not drown. Eventually we reconvened and continued on our remarkably long hike through the woods. Hills were transversed, and trees pushed past until we got lucky and trail hit a tree line, which then took us back up to the road easily. And on the other side of the road was another Beer Break! Who doesn't like more beer breaks? It was also across that county line I mentioned earlier, so congrats to all, we Beer Breaked in 2 counties last night!
Despite the amazingly beautiful sky, the pack was ready to On-In so we walked it back up the gravel road to the boat ramp and called it a trail. Luckily for us, Glitterpuss was there waiting! With his walker, HA! Ambien Juicebox managed to lose his car keys on trail, probably while trying to sit on that tree at Beer Break, so an effort was put forth to call a locksmith or AAA. Circle was pulled together, and a great many people were shamed. Virgin June survived but was Ol' McHashered and had to earn her phone back. SoPi's presence was celebrated and they sang us the songs of their people. The hares were applauded for a great trail, then shamed for trying to dead lay it. We even ended with Religion, which sealed the deal on a great evening. As circle broke, a tow truck arrived, and people began either drinking or heading home. Whispers speak of some extra trips into the lake, no doubt with beers in hand.
A great big thank you to the folks from SoPi for cumming to our trail! We're always happy to have you and we hope to see you again. A big thank you to our hares, shiggy was delivered upon. And a great big thank you to anyone who hauled out our trash. As always we appreciate the help.
 

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