What:ALL the Song Checks Hash
IT's CUMMING RIGHT FOR US!
Well, not really, but hurricane Arthur (yep, it's a hurricane now) is now scheduled to do a drive-by on NC that would make Compton proud. So before we go hide with Smokey in the back of a pickup truck, we decided to get a trail in!
We began meeting up behind the finest Walgreens and UPS Store on Strickland, next to a very nice private garden full of vegetables you can have sex with. Minute Late was heard admiring the size of the cucumbers, so if someone has a dill pickle he could Klausen he'd be very appreciative. Team Lazy Whore showed up with a ton of virgins in tow and already ahead in the beverage count. Other wankers straggled in, and by 7PM we were in a circular shape introducing ourselves with gusto.
2 Lazy and Just Ariel volunteered to hare the first leg, and after a proper blessing off they went covered in white, powdery hash love. The rest of the pack, in no hurry to go running through the soupy, pre-hurricane air on North Carolina in July, sat back and drank another beer before giving chase. We quickly learned Apple apparently shut down the hare's access to iTunes because the front half of trail was littered with Song Checks. Gotta get that music fix! So we hashed and sang our way through some very lovely woods, across a couple of streets and straight into THE MOST AMAZING ROPES COURSE EVER. Well, not ever, but definitely the most amazing course within 2 miles of trail. It was still pretty cool, and managed to completely distract most of the pack like a shiny object and a kid with ADD. Attention span is not something we're known for.
Then we started noticing the crosses, and began to worry until we realized they weren't on fire and Shaggy wasn't with us. But seriously, why are there all these crosses in the woods? Holy shit there's more! What in the world have we stumbled into... oh... it's the YMCA. Are those cameras? Yeah... those are cameras.. and they're pointed at us... doing a clothing change... yeah... maybe we should hash faster?
With new-found motivation not to get arrested or smote off the earth by an angry God, we got our asses off YMCA property and stumbled into a beer break. But SHHHHHH!!!!! Not 30 yards from where we settled to enjoy our beverages was a Raleigh Police Officer in his patrol car, hanging out in an empty parking working on his Candy Crush Saga score. So covert beer break we did, and there was much quiet rejoicing.
Next Bottom Bunkher and Glitterpuss grabbed the flour and disappeared behind a fence. We began to worry, then realized they were going to lay the back half of trail, which was way less exciting than what we originally thought. And off we went, covering considerably more ground and less song checks than the front half of trail. At one point trail went through an apartment complex where the only marks were Tit Checks, and Major Tom Soiler worked on his Muggle Outreach Program. A fractured pack continued to wind it's way through a neighborhood, a ghetto apartment complex, and a couple shopping centers before finally returning to Start out of breath and covered in sweat.
Circle was a intoxicated celebration of the perils of hashing with us. We Old McHashed some virgins which is always fun and pretty much guarantees we'll never see them again. On-After was held at Rudino's Rooftop where the bartender could use some work on his people skills, and the live music was easy to ignore. But the Margarita's were $5 which is AWESOME.
Big thanks to all the volunteer hares, and to all the virgins who braved hashing with us. Hopefully we didn't scare you too badly.
Wankers on Trail:
Fowl Running Butthole
Minute Late and a Cock Short
Face Down No One To Blow
Jigglypoof Unicorn Smash
Major Tom Soiler
2 Lazy 4 Condoms
Charlie Hardwood Whore
And I Swallow
Cock Processing Unit
Inspect Her Gadget
a TON of virgins.