What:Third Wednesday Trail: July 16, 2014
And lo! The evening of 16 July found us gathering in a nice, quiet, secluded section of parking lot, surrounded by the immense HOA mecca of Cary. One could literally not ask for better hashing weather as the temperature was in the 70s and a few wispy clouds dotted the beautiful blue sky. Wankers slowly started arriving and with little to grumble about headed straight for the beer, which was consumed happily. We were pleased to see some of our Virgins from last trail return triumphantly, and we vowed to remember their names this time. Chalk was talked, Spon Cum volunteered to hare, and Snail Trail jumped in to help her lay all the Falses. After a proper blessing, they disappeared behind a building, and the pack got more drinking time.
But not for long!! Soon we were under way, and what a great front half of trail we received! The thing about Cary is, even the Shiggy is pretty. I'm sure it's a line item on their yearly budget, and that they employ a team of underpaid immigrant day laborers to manicure everything in the woods down to the last pine cone. This is, after all, Cary. Enthusiastically we gobbled up trail; traversing railroad tracks, beautiful neighborhoods, scenic ponds, landscaped commercial property, and meticulously crafted greenways. Falses were explored, walls were scaled, and fences were jumped without reason. Soon we found ourselves standing in a creek bed about 20 feet off a greenway, because why not, it's a good place to wait for beer.
"Speaking of beer, where is it?" was a question echoing around the beer break, and with good reason. The beer had yet to arrive! Just Javi, our enthusiastic pack mule for the trail, was nowhere to be seen. Little did we know, the official Carolina Larrikins Beer Backpack had suffered a catastrophic structural failure, and was at that point being hand carried by our faithful pack mule. As anxious hashers began getting twitchy, Just Thomas raced back up the trail to find Just Javi and expedite the beer's journey to our bellies. We didn't have to wait long, as both reappeared with cold, frosty beverages, and there was much rejoicing.
After guzzling our prizes, we were back in chase of Spon Cum and Snail Trail, as they had accepted responsibility of getting us back to Start. As with most trails in Cary, our extremely engaging first half of trail was balanced out by some long, direct trail segments back to our cars. Slowly, and with purpose, we marched down quiet neighborhood streets, sung a song in front of a house that could have used some landscaping, danced out the longest dance check I've ever seen, and got back to the railroad tracks. In no time we were back at Start, changing into our post trail attire with gusto.
And then there was circle! Our normal tribal gathering started off strong with our usual traditions, shaming wankers and singing glorious songs. Snail Trail finally got to devirginize someone, and in the process got him to wear most of his beer. Mission accomplished. But the highlight of circle was our naming! Just Robert, who has hashed with us since the late Triassic period finally got dragged into the circle and grilled by all wankers present about the juicy details of his life. Once satisfied, those with names deliberated with vigor about Doctor Who references and Kanye West jokes, until finally settling on a decision. Henceforth, by the power vested in me by the group of horny, alcoholic fornicators I organize, Just Robert will now be known as All Up In Your Rectory. Huzzah!
On-After was supposed to be held at Fortnight Brewery, but we took so long with circle and Spon Cum was so insistent that the place sucks, that we decided on Abbey Road instead. I'll assume a good time was had, as Snail Trail and I had to make an early exit and ventured to a different part of town where she had to be handy with her steel, if you know what I mean.
BIG THANKS to everyone for coming out!! Thanks to Spon Cum and Snail Trail for volunteering to hare the whole thing and keeping trail at a reasonable length. Thanks to Just Javi for volunteering to carry the brew, then doing your best when the bag broke. Big thanks to the Cary PD for ignoring us.
Wankers on Trail:
Fowl Running Butthole
Dood Where’s My Car
Charlie Hardwood Whore
2 Lazy 4 Condoms
Face Down No One To Blow
Jigglypoof Unicorn Smash
Cock Processing Unit
Inspect Her Gadget