What:Midsummer's Prelube Hash
Security Guards are the worst. I'm not talking about legit law enforcement, those guys do a thankless job and bust their ass doing it. I'm not talking about Security Guards who guard something that legitimately NEEDS guarding, like prisons or the gamma ray reactor that made Shaggy. No, I mean the assclowns who put on their little jumpsuit and fake Deputy Dog plastic badge and spend their day behind a reception desk "guarding" a 3-story office building full of rich white people and their parking deck. I'm sure they're "good people", but right now I don't like them.. But I digress.
On the bright side, I think we may have set a record for the fastest we've been kicked out of a start location? We were mere minutes into meeting up before Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum honked their way over and asked us to leave. Scatologist jumped in his car and drove off to scout a new start location, but it didn't end up working out. But wait! That parking lot! Behind that McDonalds! Behind the Mall! Let's go there! So 1-by-1 we went marching (driving) around the corner to our start in exile, which admittedly worked out better as it was much bigger and closer to On After.
Once settled in, we circled and got names. Scatologist and Packin' A Hot Lunch graciously volunteered to hare, so we blessed them and sent them on their way as some middle-aged women watched our shenanigans and wondered what drugs we were on. Once our vessels were empty and put away we were off. We continued our fine Carolina Larrikins Public Outreach tradition as an irritated biker tried to ride through us, and then we hashed straight into a Clothing Change which resulted in me looking like a tennis ball.
Trail then took us across the street and head first into some extremely dense shiggy. Across the next 30 minutes, the pack terrorized the tiny woodland creatures in our immediate area as we slushed up and down a stream straight out of Cambodia, and demonstrated our hashing skill by finding all the Falses and YBFs before relenting and getting to the actual trail. Some lucky hashers found a motorboat, and there was much rejoicing.
As we crawled out of the stream, trail then took us up to and along a very nice chain link fence! With some lovely, rusted barbed wire! Oh wait.. we're on the wrong side. Yes, the rustic private shed and the wallpapering of No Trespassing signs on the trees gradually led us to the conclusion that we probably should r*n faster, so we picked up the pace. And what a property we were trespassing on! These people had a private pond, big houses, and a very long driveway which we found ourselves r*nning down. As we quickly removed ourselves from the danger of getting a misdemeanor, we found an unknown mark! The FRBs misinterpreted the strange shape drawn in flour, so the pack spent a few extra minutes staring at a street and cursing the hares. Once the brains caught up with the legs we realized we needed to keep going and were soon at Beer Break where we enjoyed a well manicured lawn and some SHOTS!
Face Down and I took the flour as the pack relaxed and proceeded to lay the back half of trail through the rabbit warren of Crabtree Valley Mall's parking decks. At one point we contemplated laying trail through the actual mall, but we felt like we'd been kicked out of enough places for one day, and we didn't want a Hazmat team being dispatched on our behalf. The pack was hot on our heels, and arrived back at Start soon after the hares to find LATECUMMERS!
Snail Trail, Glitterpuss, No Shit There I Was had arrived in our absence, and were having a great time with Scatologist who RTS'd after his shot break, and Sesame Creep who tried to run trail after we left, but we suck at marking Checks so he came right back. Everyone stripped out of their hash attire, and Glitter proceeded to run circle where he demonstrated that without his patented feline attire he has no idea what song to sing and when. Visitors showed us their fun parts, virgins were shamed, accusations were levied.
On-After was very well attended as we guzzled beer, demolished wings and burgers, and lamented the fact that Thursday will be the SLOWEST DAY EVER. Anticipation is a bitch.
Big Thanks to our visitors Wish Bone Her and Spunk Monkey! Also a big Thank You to everyone who donated some extra $$ for our shot stop at Midsummers.
Wankers on Trail:
Fowl Running Butthole
Face Down No One To Blow
Cock Processing Unit
Jigglypoof Unicorn Smash
Packin’ A Hot Lunch
Minute Late And A Cock Short
And I Swallow
Charlie Hardwood Whore
2 Lazy 4 Condoms
Major Tom Soiler
Wish Bone Her (Delaware?)
Spunk Monkey (also Delaware?)
Spreads In The Sheets (donation)
Taint My Jelly
No Shit There I Was